How Can I Help My Partner’s Money Obsession Before It Hurts Our Kids?
Find a Qualified Financial Advisor
Finding a financial advisor
It doesn’t have to be complicated. With SmartAsset’s free tool, you can quickly connect with up to three fee-only financial advisors who service your local area. All of these advisors undergo a thorough review process.
SmartAsset
and is held to a fiduciary standard to act in your best interests.
Start your search now.
The information and specifics on this page might have been modified or altered after the initial publishing date. Please check out our article for updates.
Business Insider
for current information.
Affiliate links for the items featured on this page come from partnering entities that provide compensation to us, and certain conditions pertain to the offers mentioned (please refer to our)
advertising disclaimer with our roster of collaborators
For additional information, please refer elsewhere). Nonetheless, our viewpoints are solely ours.).
How we evaluate products and services
to assist you in making informed choices about your finances.
-
For Love & Money
Is a column from Business Insider addressing your queries about relationships and finances. - This week, a reader’s significant other refuses to cease pinching pennies with each buy.
- Our columnist mentions that they must concentrate on understanding how these decisions impact their children together as a unit.
-
Have a query for our columnist? Send it to For Love & Money using
this Google form
.
Dearest For Love & Money,
The previous summer, I became unemployed, and my partner and I considerably reduced our expenses. Now, I have returned to work with a higher salary than before. However, we concur that as we can manage on much lesser funds, we ought to continue doing this and utilize the extra amount for saving purposes.
We’re currently spending significantly less compared to last year, which is great news. Nevertheless, once you’re out of emergency mode, it seems quite unusual not to use your money if you can afford to.
For example, our kids require new footwear constantly. Given that they’re all tall like us, their feet just won’t stay small for long. I find purchasing fresh pairs essential, whereas my spouse believes this isn’t necessary, insisting we manage with a single source of income as though times were leaner than they actually are. My partner keeps proposing we delay buying more until absolutely unavoidable, seeing how far worn-out ones could stretch.
Whenever I say I’m planning to take the kids shoe shopping on a specific date, my partner either sabotages it by needing the car for something else, double booking us on “accident,” or they outright throw a fit because this is an unnecessary expense.
The shoes are just one example, but it’s a lot of things. My partner has accused me of just wanting to return to old spending habits, and while it’s not true — I am ready to exit emergency mode.
Sincerely,
Tired of Playing Poor
Dear Playing Poor,
Every time my spouse and I receive an additional source of income or settle a debt, we engage in a comparable activity to what you do with your significant other—“let’s act as though everything remains unchanged and allocate the equivalent sum from this newfound money directly into our savings account!” Just like you two, we commit to doing this for the very same reasons—it should theoretically be beneficial—and occasionally, it works out well; at other times, however, it falls through. Regardless, neither one of us feels discouraged since we understand that abstractly sound concepts often face limitations when put into practice.
Making it from one month to one month differs greatly from truly thriving. In survival mode, your objectives become both straightforward and disheartening: Keep the home, retain the vehicle, ensure electricity stays connected, avoid hunger. With such fundamental aims dominating your life, many significant aspects often get overlooked. These include affording nutritious food even with higher costs, supporting children’s social success without dressing them in tattered clothes, and setting aside funds for the future by making investments like
life insurance
Surviving in today’s world takes precedence over everything else, but amassing a large sum of money solely for the sake of doing so definitely isn’t worth it.
Still, distinguishing between gentle essentials such as these and regular luxuries can be challenging. Typically, we must go through the experience ourselves to truly recognize the distinction. That’s why my spouse and I avoid self-recrimination when we refrain from changing a car loan into a permanent expense.
savings account
Simply because it appeared to be a wise decision when we finished paying off our loan. However, it appears that your significant other might not be as adaptable. The task at hand is to assist them in understanding that leading a fulfilling life holds greater importance than striving for the lowest cost of living.
Dealing with your partner’s steadfast stance on this issue regarding parenting can certainly add to the frustration. It seems unreasonable and negligent to think children should keep wearing ill-fitting shoes until—well, until who knows what happens, maybe until their toes burst through the fabric? Children often struggle to speak up about such matters effectively, making it crucial for parents to prioritize safeguarding their well-being. They might simply comment that their shoes are uncomfortable or perhaps grumble without much explanation, or even remain silent altogether while engrossed in play. However, as grown-ups, we understand that blister pain could merely scratch the surface of potential problems. Persistently wearing improperly sized footwear has the capability to cause long-term physical issues down the road.
If a parent fails to acknowledge these issues, they might either be deliberately neglectful—which seems unlikely about your partner based on your description—or simply not involved enough in the daily aspects of raising children. To address this, present them with studies highlighting the risks associated with ill-fitting footwear. Additionally, have them accompany the children when shoe shopping so they can experience firsthand the challenge of finding quality used shoes at thrift stores and resist giving in to demands for trendy, high-end styles.
Apart from the footwear, seek ways to engage your partner more deeply in aspects of your children’s daily experiences where they can frequently observe and listen to your children expressing their needs. For example, if your children attend school and require rides, consider having your partner handle the carpool duties instead. This way, they would be the one listening as your kids complain about blisters or lament being late due to broken zippers on their backpacks in the hallway. The parent directly hearing such scenarios will invariably understand and acknowledge their child’s requirements better than the parent who only receives lists of complaints ever could.
Both of you aim to live frugally in order to increase savings. However, you differ when it comes to approaches. Resolving this isn’t complicated; simply have a discussion and devise a combined strategy together.
budget
As a group, it needs to align with your financial objectives, your updated earnings, as well as the requirements of your daily life.
Perhaps your significant other still harbors concerns regarding how your job loss might affect future thinking. Given that it occurred once, they may worry it could recur. Incorporate a backup strategy within your revised budget and ensure there’s sufficient allocation for emergencies.
emergency fund
Your partner isn’t keen on spending for the sake of spending, and I doubt you’re eager to save without reason. Therefore, aim to do both with intention.
Rooting for you,
For Love & Money
Seeking guidance on how your savings, debt, or some other financial issue might be impacting your relationships? Reach out to For Love & Money with your questions.
this Google form
.
The article was initially published in October 2024.
Looking for assistance with your finances? Think about consulting a financial advisor.
Finding a financial advisor
It doesn’t have to be complicated. Utilize SmartAsset’s free tool to connect with up to three fee-only financial advisors within your region in just a few moments. These advisors have undergone scrutiny from SmartAsset and adhere to a fiduciary standard, ensuring they work in your best interest.
Start your search now.
Business Insider
If you liked this tale, make sure to follow
Business Insider
on MSN.